The Female Brain was not written for a middle-aged man like me … I’m sure it was written for women (as are most books these days) … and by a female researcher who is a scientist with feminist leanings. Nevertheless, I learned much from it.

Oh yes, I’ve known about the power of hormones before, but The Female Brain went into biological detail in a clear way that made it possible for me to better understand things in some depth. Yes, I had heard that the brain structures of men and women are significantly different, but I had not known much about the hormones and their effect on our brains until I read this book, which says a lot about the male brain, too.

As a man who has been consciously trying to develop his own intuition for many years (with some help from classical divination systems), and as a passionate lifelong learner, I found the scientific arguments for how much greater an intuitive aptitude my women friends have to be fascinating. I came to understand how biology plays a part, on top of women’s superior ability to intuit things, which is supported throughout their natural development by a comparative abundance of estrogen and oxytocin. As Dr. Brizendine puts it,

“The female brain has tremendous unique aptitudes — outstanding verbal agility, the ability to connect deeply in friendship, a nearly psychic capacity to read faces and tone of voice for emotions and states of mind, and the ability to defuse conflict. All of this is hardwired into the brains of women.”

More psychic? When I think about it, that does ring true!

In another section of the book, highlighting a major difference between women and men, she points out:

“Between the ages of eight and fourteen, a girl’s estrogen level increases ten to twenty times, but her testosterone level rises only about five times. A boy’s testosterone level increases twenty-five-fold between ages nine and fifteen. With all that extra sexual rocket fuel, teen boys typically have three times more sex drive than girls of the same age — a difference that will persist through life. And while boys have a constantly rising level of testosterone through puberty, girls’ sexual hormones ebb and flow each week — changing their sexual interest almost daily. If a female’s testosterone drops below a certain level, she’ll lose sexual interest altogether.”

My next read will be: The Male Brain by the same author.

Pray tell: Do you think it’s worthwhile for people to explore (and talk about) the differences between males and females of our species? Or must we play it safe, be politically correct and simply deny that such differences could possibly mean much? Or, do you think it’s basically impossible for men and women to understand each other or much improve, through that understanding, how we get along in relationship? Comments?

Every 28 days or so, your brain is bobbing in a sea of fluctuating hormones. (Although I haven’t read her book The Male Brain yet, I know that men must be much more boring.) For one thing, I can see how a better understanding of your own and your friends’ cycles could improve  social networking! And, for males flooded with massive amounts of testosterone most of the time, it would be useful to have some clue as to when is a better time to approach your sweetie … and when is not!

And, of course, women have to deal with monumentally transforming events that involve massive amounts of hormone changes — things like pregnancy, childbirth, menopause. We males have changes of our own in life, but nothing even remotely like this!

This book should be required reading for everyone (I’d recommend gifting it to your mate). I can tell you, as a man, it has increased my empathy for women (and improved my timing!). Oh, yes … sometimes there’s tension, but never a dull moment … viva la difference!



Now, of course, these “stages” are not precisely timed. Many people (especially these days) continue the “earning” stage well beyond 58, or even 65 for that matter. And many of us were sharing, supporting and teaching during Stage 1 or Stage 2, even while we were pursuing an education or ways to pay the bills.

My Stage 3 began when I sold the business I had started. I became a grandfather around the same time, which so nicely initiated me into the joys of being generous, by helping it feel so natural. What a heart-opener that little tyke has been for me … may the generous impulses he stimulates in me, and the joy that I get from indulging them, continue to expand (for me, via non-profit work and teaching).

True generosity is a joyous thing that can take many forms. As the author of Plenitude — The New Economics of True Wealth points out, we all have more than we know — if not monetarily, in our knowledge, skills, creativity, connections, time, attention and enjoyment of nature. How much do we take these forms of “true wealth” for granted, rather than sharing this abundance with others? “How can I help?” Ram Dass famously asked, as the title of a book he wrote after entering Stage 3.

Even if you are still busy being a student of life (Stage 1) or a producer (Stage 2), know that you have a joyous “third act” to look forward to — where sharing and supporting no longer feel like a responsibility or another thing you “should” do, but a pure natural pleasure!

The first Saturn cycle stage of life is about learning as much as you can, especially about yourself. The second stage is about being productive, which requires some commitment (although this does not have to be a commitment to something new … it could be renewed commitment to something you are already doing).

During this stage, you do those things you discovered you care about and want to do — whether it be raising a family, developing a career, starting a business, non-profit work … whatever. You know who you are … the sun of self-acceptance is shining, you do the best you can to produce a meaningful life for yourself … and you make hay while that sun shines!

Alice Bailey, a mystical writer in the 1930’s, wrote something that helped me not be overly anxious when I was beginning Stage 2. Somewhere in one of her many books, she wrote that the average human is not clear about her or his mission in this lifetime until about age 35. I was 30 when I read that and I breathed a huge sigh of relief! (It was not until I was 38 that I discovered my mission, which was to invent and develop divination software.)

Next: Stage 3. This is the one that I’m just starting — the ‘Give-Back’ Stage.

Saturn has an elliptical orbit that takes from 28-30 years, so a person’s first “Saturn Return” comes to roost just before age 30, the second one culminates about age 59, and the third one around age 88. As Wikipedia (currently) puts it “It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn returns to the degree it occupied at the time of birth … a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life.” I discuss these ‘Saturn cycle stages’ in my speech, starting with the first one (the one most relevant to students).

Stage 1 — the first 29 years of life — is your primary “learning phase” — when you learn who you are, what you are good at, what you like to do. How should you go about all this? By experimenting, by taking chances (while you are young and daring … by trying things out!

It’s absurd, in my opinion, that we expect 18 or 19 year-olds to select and stick with “a major” or to focus on any kind of career at that age. Way premature! My general, if radical, advice to kids in their 20s is to NOT make major commitments — to career paths, organizations, or relationships (except under exceptional circumstances, of course). Plan on making the big commitments around age 30.

Instead, my advice to those in the student stage of life to take all different kinds of classes, read a lot of books, trek the world (there are low-budget ways to do this, or to work one’s way around) and, in general, job-hop to see what different types of work you might like. If you don’t try lots of different things, how are you going to discover parts of yourself that you couldn’t know before, possibly parts that your parents don’t approve of? The 20s are a time to individuate, not conform!

Next blog: Stage 2, your second Saturn cycle — time to do what you have discovered you love — and to do it with gusto!

I signed up for this tour ($30 including transport) because I felt it was my human responsibility to witness and comprehend as best I could the reality of the monstrous inhumanity to man that can happen — that did happen in this place, especially since I was so nearby in Krakow. I won’t go into too many details (just a few) … Wikipedia does a great job on this.

A few things I learned that I didn’t know before: the Auschwitz complex was the largest of all the Nazi concentration camps. It was run by a special unit of the Nazi SS, which was accountable to no one other than Himmler, and thus able to descend all the way into the pits of hell without push-back or restraint.

The camp was originally Polish army barracks, which the Nazi’s converted for use as prison for their new Polish political prisoners as well as Russian prisoners of war. The first prisoners were the Poles themselves (including a few Jews) and almost 150,000 Polish perished there — and fairly quickly from a combination of starvation, overwork, freezing weather and sadistic treatment.

The camp was expanded ten-fold to add the huge Birkenau “extermination camp” (1 square mile) where, at one point, over 500,000 (mostly Hungarian) Jews — whole families who were to be “resettled” by the Nazis — were stuffed into cattle cars, along with a couple suitcases of of their most precious belongings, for a week long freezing ride to Birkenau. When they finally arrived, starving and exhausted, they were not checked in or even registered.

First, all able-bodied adults were “selected” out of the group (about 25%). All children under 14 and their clinging mothers, old people and anyone slightly unfit for work (i.e. slave labor) were told to go into a huge underground waiting room near the train’s unloading platform. Here, in a ruse to prevent panic, they were told to write their names on their suitcases for retrieval after “processing.”

Processing began quickly with the forced removal of all clothing for a “cleansing shower.” People were then herded into gigantic sealed bunkers, which were gas chambers. Two holes in the ceiling were used for dropping the poison gas. An agonizing death could take up to 20 minutes. Then the bodies were removed by prisoners whose job it was to dump them as fast as they could onto funnels going into giant furnaces in the bunker room next door, using giant pistons on rails to shove them in — after removing gold teeth and jewelry, which were melted down and sent to Germany, along with all the valuables from those suitcases. Whole families disappeared … and history’s most efficient extermination machine (up to 5000 per day) was also profitable!

The value of such a tour is the realization that such a level of monstrosity, of man’s inhumanity to man, is possible … and that it could happen again. The author Sinclair Lewis once remarked “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag carrying a cross.” We can see seeds of this here now. It’s not fun to think about, but after my tour it is a little bit easier for me to imagine right-wing Armageddon freaks and other militia being whipped up by a charismatic politician who gains power to get out their God-given guns and fight one last “holy war” for Jesus, as if he would be the type to dehumanize and smite “infidels.”

Krakow’s main feature is its large central square, which is still surrounded by elegantly preserved 15th century townhouses and shops, including some large ones that have been converted to hotels — like the “Bonerowski Palace” (palace of “the Boners”) where I am fortunate to be staying … and feel so at home (perhaps I was a Boner in a previous lifetime .

In addition to my interest in history, one of the best parts of traveling for me is the social experience. Gemini extrovert that I am, I learn from variety and make it a point to meet many different people — and different kinds of people — wherever I go. The Polish people — decimated first by the Nazis (who wanted to eliminate the Poles in order to take their land), then by Stalin — are nothing if not resilient. They are also sweet-tempered and good looking (like half of me .The younger generation is highly educated and smart, non-pretentious and actually optimistic — quite a development given the country’s tragic history. I compare their attitude, which is relatively practical and conscientious, with that of American youth who are so caught up in non-stop entertainments that they hardly read or write.

And the city of Krakow itself … ah, lovely Krakow. Rick Steves, the American travel writer who specializes in Europe, is so right about this place … the well-preserved combination of ancient cathedrals, castles and cobble-stone streets is beyond charming … it is positively magical! And this 15th century Bonerowski Palace hotel, where I stay on the main square, is so elegant it hosts a Chopin (Polish cultural hero) concert almost every night. Charming and richly cultural … viva Poland!

Next installment … death camp blues.

First, the author shows how “business as usual” (which she refers to as “BAU”) is coming to an end, whether we like it or not. There is just no way that five percent of the world’s population will be allowed to consume 25 percent of the remaining oil, for instance — no matter how oversized its military may be.

Because of America’s careless indebtedness for consumption (and war), the developing world (where almost all of the oil is) is gaining relative power. Plus, two billion Chinese and Indians want to be over-consumers like us. Even if we reduce our own consumption (fat chance), the overall consumption is bound to grow with BUA. This is a huge problem because the planet cannot sustain higher levels of over-consumption, not to mention possibly violent competition for energy resources!

What can we do? What can YOU do? Schor’s book provides some new and surprising answers. In addition to letting go of BUA thinking — i.e. in which only things that are measured in dollars are considered valuable – the author encourages us to recognize our “true wealth” — things like the value of time, knowledge, community, creativity and nature. She is advocating for a radical change of orientation that includes less full-time “work” and more of a balanced life, based on real enrichment not consumption.

Great stuff!

What a dynamo! Not only is Suzanne a beautiful, wild and crazy, comedienne and actress, she is a self-proclaimed “self-improvement slut” who is fast becoming an articulate spokesperson for women’s political empowerment. Case in point: her portrayal of the galvanizing Sister Giant event (Facebook event page) that was recently hosted by Marianne Williamson.

In this incredibly personal and moving account, Suzanne articulates what we are all up against in making a conscious effort to evolve into a non-patriarchal society, one that respects and honors the feminine (including the intuitive arts, I presume), and how we can turn our longing for a more humane and balanced world into political action. A powerfully good read … thank you, Suzanne!

I had promised to email answers directly to the first five submissions, which I did. One lady whose husband had recently died wrote me back “Thank you for your spot on answer. My response is going to be quite long but you will ultimately understand why your answer was perfect if you read what I write …” A fellow wrote me back “Paulo, you were right on brother! The advice is excellent and made me view my dilemma differently without the emotional attachment to the ‘thing’ … I hope you will continue doing this for it will help a lot of people.” Nice!

Needless to say, such positive reinforcement helped me to realize that this is a good way for me to share what I have learned as a researcher, author, divinator and aging human being. I am excited going forward and will post here when the column launches on Tarot.com and Divination.com. In the meantime, you can feel free to submit questions even now through our form.

Played golf with bro Mark on Saturday, before taking him and his wife Pam, and my good friend, Evelyn Roberts the astrologer (best phone readings ever to a lovely dinner in a former stagecoach inn. Great fun as they teased me about still being single and dating a woman half my age. I guess the ribbing was fair, considering that when they announced last year that they were getting married — after living together for some 12 years — I emailed my 50 y/o brother back, counseling him “this is a big move, bro … don’t rush it!”

Musing now, on Sunday morning, about the meaning of this weekend for me, I realize how this time with my brother has helped me see deeper aspects of my Self (capital ‘S’), as reflected by his very different personality and his family life (including the sweetest adopted daughter).

Yes, my younger bro is a sweet, loving man. Generous to a fault (I accuse him of codependency), he lives his life in an intelligently simple way — pretty much according to the Golden Rule as far as I can tell. How gloriously simple he is (and smart too)! As one of the recipients of his big-heartedness, I am grateful to think that I must be a little bit like him (at least I hope so .

Even though it is divided up into several segments (most with a commercial) by ABC News on their site, I was enthralled by the entire thing, which I watched over the span of 3 days.

For someone like myself who is constantly deepening his own understanding, reading and studying about consciousness and belief systems, it was utterly fascinating … and lol entertaining! This discussion in an age of crazy fundamentalisms is more than relevant. If we are to survive and thrive, we need to evolve our belief systems one way or the other. Check it out and let me know what you think here.

Of course, we remember John Gray as the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus“ (who was on my Pathways radio show some 20 years ago), whose book dramatically stimulated new discussions about gender differences. Now he is focusing on the hard science behind his original theories about the differences between men and women, and how we can use them to increase happiness, once we understand them.

It is fascinating to consider the social and relationship impacts of the significant differences in brain structure and hormone balances between women and men. Consider that baby girls given a toy truck are likely to cradle it. Give little boys a doll and they will likely turn it into a gun. And these things happen even when the mother is consciously trying to eliminate any prejudice (dressing the boy in pink? .

Also, consider the fact that the avg healthy male is operating under the influence of 30 times the testosterone as an avg female. 30 times is a humongous difference, but it’s nature’s way. Testosterone is the hormone that fuels competitive behaviors and sexual desire … (it’s no wonder males tend to think about sex … it reminds me of the gigantic humpback males head-butting over a cow, which I saw the other day here in Maui).

Sure, we can say “Viva la difference” and relish the stimulating chemistry of our polarity … but day-to-day it’s not always easy being so different. For instance, at the end of a long day at work, in order to relieve their stress, Gray points out that males need to recharge their testosterone — perhaps by resting (or even ‘zoning out’). This, however, is not helpful to his stressed out honey also coming home from work, because as a female she needs something completely different to balance out her stress — she needs oxytocin, the bonding hormone!

She needs to talk and feel close at precisely the time when he may be least interested. Now that sheds some light on why it can be such a challenge for men and women to get along well over extended periods of time in close quarters!

In the old days (think hunter/gatherer period lasting a million years), everyone lived together in a communal settlement, where extended family and lots of space provided plenty of opportunities for men and women to get their needs met in a natural way.

Now, although we live in crowded urban hives, our biology is still wired the old way. A big part of our challenge socially is our lack of that tribal feeling of extended family … often we don’t even know our neighbors in the next apartment! Women’s groups (and male groupings — on the playing field rather than the pub) — and community activities in general — do a lot of good things, but may also exist to serve a need to bond.

I, for one, appreciate John’s research efforts to help us all find compassion and peace, love and happiness and health, through mutual understanding of our very real differences!

>> Check out last year’s write up about the Venus Talk.

(This column could even show up on Tarot.com in the future … gods willing .

Please post your question or concern in the comments section below (please keep it to one or two short paragraphs). All submissions will remain anonymous, but I’d like to get a first name and your city. Whether they are edited and published or not, I will answer all of the first 5 submissions via email at the very least.

Thanks in advance for helping me out here!

First of all, there is the largest surface geothermal pool I’ve ever seen … I mean, there is a sizeable pool of water that is 180° at the surface! Of course, it is fenced off, but it is an amazing site, near the Breitenbush River. The BB community generates its own electricity from the BB River and, along with everything else, it uses some of this power to push hot water through a huge network of radiators, providing comfy heat to all of the 60 or so cabins, as well as the cooperative community that runs the place and the big lodge, office, etc. This is really being “off the grid!” No wireless, no internet either (which is kind of a nice vacation in a way).

There are lots of hot tubs and even a steamroom that sits on top of the steaming creek that flows out of the big hot pool I mentioned. Best steambath ever! Being an inveterate hippie, I also like the fact that all the soaking pools and steambath, etc. are “clothing optional.” Skinnydipping is such a psychologically healthy (and probably one of the less sexual) things you can do — a mild remedy for body-shame, no matter what kind of shape you are in, once you overcome your ingrained self-consciousness. (As Gay Hendricks recommends in his book Conscious Living, “I am committed to loving my body.”)

If you get the chance next winter, be sure to attend Rick and Jeff’s “Winter Astrology Conference” — only 2 hours from Portland (see Breitenbush.com). This place is toasty warm and R&J are an incredible team. Not only will you learn a lot about astrology, but you will get an in-person forecast for the coming year … great stuff. As Wendy from Vancouver BC emailed me, “The weekend was nothing short of magical and yet paradoxically full of practical learning that I can integrate daily.”

See you in the hot tubs!

In her book “The Future of Love,” Daphne writes and teaches that, during the past century of personal growth along psychological lines, people have been trying to use relationships for emotional need fulfillment. Now that many of us have done a fair amount of “emotional work” — often wreaking havoc on traditional forms of relationship — we are being called by Spirit to view relationships differently. It is time for relationships to become less personality-based and more soul-based, which means different forms, different priorities, and a different experience of Love.

It’s hard to let go of our desire to get our emotional needs met by a partner … it’s such an attractive fantasy, but it doesn’t really work. It puts too much pressure on one relationship. A soul-based approach to relationship has a different objective. Rather than looking to the other to meet our personal needs, we look to the relationship as an adventure of love and ask “How can I expand my ability to be kind and generous, not only to a partner, but to myself and all beings.” A much wider perspective … and much more under our control.

We cannot control the past. We cannot control other people (not even a spouse . The one things we can control have to do with the “inner game” — our attitude and our expectations. Perhaps the more I look to how I can be more loving, focusing on radiating love (including for myself), instead of getting my needs met by another person, I will attract a partnership that better serves our long-term well-being and happiness.

The traditional example is of herders sharing a common pasture, on which they are each entitled to let their cows graze. It is in each herder’s self-interest to put additional cows he acquires onto the land, even if the carrying capacity of the common is exceeded and it is temporarily or permanently damaged for everyone as a result. This herder receives all of the benefits from an additional cow, while the damage to the commons is shared by the entire group. If all herders make this individually rational economic decision, the commons will be depleted or even destroyed to the detriment of all.

It always amazes me how ignorant we humans (especially americans) remain of this Law of the Commons! One would think that our political representatives, at least, should have a clue about how this works (rather than knee-jerk demonizing “socialism” in even its mildest forms). But now, of course, our congressman are too largely bought and sold by their corporate masters — who not only do not have a clue, but don’t want one!

To be conscious and responsible around the stewardship of our commons — our natural resources — might slow down the ‘inexpensive’ exploitation of nature, and that could affect quarterly earnings! And as long as the taxpayers will bear the costs – and we do bear all the costs of damage to our collective environment or health in the form of taxation or deficits — what is the incentive for corporations, totally focused on short-term profits, to care? None!

We live in an economic system that is continually despoiling the commons for the outsized gain of the few corporate masters who run the show. We need to wake up and insist that our representatives understand the Tragedy of the Commons and their responsibility to avoid it. Our pattern of extolling individual rights, including the rights of corporations, at the expense of the commons, can come to no good end for any of us, including the oligarchs.

Nature will come swooping down on flying dynosaurs and kick our mechanical butts!

I am using the free I Ching reading feature on tarot.com — http://www.tarot.com/oracle. I decided to ask the Oracle about our dismal economy, so I type into the screen was “Best way to relate to depressed economy?”

While I am shaking the coins (placing my mouse over them on the screen), I begin a guided meditation with my eyes closed, letting the breath be deep and slow, sitting upright with  hands in prayer position. My prayer: “I surrender to the Truth. May divine wisdom flow through this I Ching reading to increase our clarity, adjust our attitude, and guide our way.”

The results were uncanny:The Present Hexagram that I cast was #39, Temporary Obstacles, with changing lines 4 and 6, which takes us into the Future Hexagram #33, Retreat.

This reading (below) speaks for itself, and with incredible clarity. Temporary obstacles leading to a retreat. Pretty straightforward. And the two changing lines offer two clear alternatives — one positive, one not as pleasant.

What I take from this reading is that this is a time to accept things the way they are and retreat in the face of what are in reality “temporary obstacles.”

Keep your head about you, focus on small details and, as the first changing line #4 clearly advises, be sure to line up as much support as you can before making any bold moves.

This is not a time to just ‘try harder’ at whatever you are used to doing, but to button down the hatches a little bit, to ride out the storm, always trying to remember that this recession is a “temporary obstacle,” which will turn into an up cycle in time.

There may be little you can do but ride out this wave’s trough cycle, just trying to stay on your surf board, focusing more on inner balance than great outward results. Another perfect reminder from our ancient sacred oracle, the I Ching!

For the full text of  hexagrams and changing lines that were cast in this I Ching reading, see below. (Text excerpted from the I Ching that I originally produced 31 years ago.)

Your Present Hexagram: #39 Temporary Obstacles

Have temporary obstacles been blocking your way? In the course of trying to reach a goal or to fulfill a personal ambition, obstructions inevitably present themselves. This is not always a bad thing. Obstacles, difficulties and even setbacks that are eventually overcome often turn into assets. Without irritating grains of sand, oysters would never make pearls.

The obstacles pointed to here are not permanent, yet they are in the way. As when a large boulder falls in the road, the best course of action is usually to go around it, rather than to try to move it out of the way. Temporary obstacles must be seen for what they are — temporary — and should not be allowed to take on too much significance.

A positive aspect of even the most difficult obstacle is that it may cause a person to turn inward, and gain greater depth and character. While the ignorant bemoan their fate and seek to blame their problems on others, the wise seek the cause of the problem within themselves. Through this type of introspection, obstacles become a means for personal growth and self-discovery.

Without air resistance, no plane would ever fly.

If you are facing temporary obstacles, try not to be overly concerned. Obstacles are a part of achieving every goal and furthering every undertaking. Setbacks and reverses can affect morale, but keeping up your self-confidence in the face of challenges is part of a successful solution to many of life’s problems. Obstacles of short duration are best handled with a yielding attitude. Go around the rock, don’t put your shoulder to it.

Your Changing Lines

The first changing line is line 4

When confronting a boulder in the road, many hands make light work if it must be moved. Many obstacles cannot be removed single-handedly. Do not venture out to confront such a serious obstacle until the proper support is with you. Enlist some help. To push before your support is in place would bring misfortune.

The second changing line is line 6

When a difficult situation degenerates into a real mess, only bold, forthright action can bring success. This line points to the situation of a person facing a major obstacle to forward progress — and something blocking him behind as well. There is no way forward, no going back. The situation is complex and there appears to be no way out.

When this happens, you must re-enter the fray. Do your best not to worry too much about the results. Look for help from above — from others in positions of authority and power. If you can find such support, success becomes probable. In the end, of course, you can never escape your fate.

Your Future Hexagram:  #33 Retreat

All worthy goals meet resistance of some kind. When negative forces predominate, a well-timed retreat is a good way to stay on the path to ultimate success. Tibetans know this.

Strategic retreat is not to be confused with escape or surrender. Successful retreat demands quick and nimble movement — taking up a new position before you are damaged by the current situation. You are not admitting defeat by temporarily retreating, but simply increasing your options, and preserving your resources. Sometimes it is necessary to slow down, let go or move back in order to develop countermoves for the future. Timing is critical, as is how well you position yourself after realignment. Considerations of personal security are critical.

Periods of withdrawal or retreat call for cool-headedness. It is necessary to keep your wits about you. Attend to small details while allowing yourself time to contemplate the whole picture. Be creative; not all progress follows a straight line. Self-confidence is also essential; small setbacks can easily become defeats if we allow ourselves to become mired in self-doubt or self-pity.

Waves of progress are, by their nature, short-lived. Learn to attune yourself to the up-and-down cycles of life. When the wave is behind you, ride it in; when it’s not, lie low. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can ‘fix’ any situation whenever you feel like it. Some things are bigger than you are. Hold your pride in check and you will be better prepared to find creative openings.

How much time and energy do we waste mulling over or resisting things that we cannot change — which includes everything that happened in the past (even a few moments ago)? We cannot change the past, we cannot change other people. Sometimes we can influence what they do, more often not so much. So what can we change? What can we focus on going forward in 2010?

We can change our habits, that’s what — including the habitual ways we react to things that we cannot change — like the behavior and speech of other people, for instance. In his book, The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz titled a chapter “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” I love the whole book, but especially that chapter.

What people say — even what they say about us –  tells us more about them than about us. I know this is a cliche, but it is true. Looked at this way, it is very revealing whenever someone offers some unsolicited criticism or, worse, an insult. It becomes more interesting to me — and less offending — to the extent that I remind myself it is primarily giving me information about what they are still resisting within themselves! (Of course, there’s also often a grain of truth in what they’re saying .

Over my relatively long life, I have learned not to care much what other people think of me, because I realize that for the most part they are just projecting their own stuff (i.e. crap  onto the screen that is available to them when I am around, which is me. If it “hurts my feelings,” that is just me reflexively taking they’re opinion to heart and, by doing so, hurting myself. I have observed that most hurt feelings are caused by misunderstandings that result from the over-interpretation of, and taking to heart, someone else’s projection! From this understanding, it is clear that nobody can really “hurt your feelings” … only you can do that … good news!

Now, how can I break this habit of being attached to what I think other people think? Emotional reactions arise so damn quickly! How do I intervene? How can I interject a flash of consciousness in order to remember that I am in the process of starting to over-interpret something that was a projection to begin with? It’s not easy being so attentive!

Ken Keyes wrote that taking offense creates more overall suffering in the world than the giving of offense. If I don’t take offense, then for sure at least I am not going to suffer! But I also do not create any karma if I don’t take that offense to heart. I don’t set a wheel of reaction/counter-reaction into motion, like turning a negative prayer wheel. If, on the other hand, I automatically react (i.e. over-react) emotionally to projections (including new projections made by myself), my ego will probably create more offense (via angry argument, condemnatory revenge, gossip, whatever).

Hey, Don Miguel … for the new year, I commit to getting better at not taking things personally! My own lack of awareness — the cause of all my automatic projecting — is something I can influence and change.

Just out of curiosity, what kinds of habits will you be focusing on in the new year?  Here’s wishing all of you a peaceful and successful 2010!

Not all victimness is self-made, and even though I focused on “victim consciousness,” I did not state that there are no true victims. Obviously, children can be abused or worse — and through no bad decisions of their own (maybe it’s their ‘bad karma’, payback for something they did in a past life, but that’s not our judgment to make).

At some point, each of us could be considered the ‘victim’ of our childhood upbringing, with all its shortcomings. For instance, if you learned from a narcissistic mother that you must be perfect in order to win a few crumbs of love, such a ‘core belief’ will handicap your life, giving you a greater challenge in giving and receiving love.

I personally like to think of this sort of victimness as ‘karmic,’ because I choose to believe that there is some sort of cosmic justice at work in the universe (and I think we choose all our beliefs). In any case, the good news is that such handicaps can be overcome … and perhaps get to ‘burn off’ some karma in the process!

We do have the power to become more conscious of who we are and learn to make better decisions, which will increase our success and happiness and steadily improve everything. I don’t think of self-improvement as a project so much as a way of life, a learning attitude.

But the point today is that there are real victims in life, including people we know or learn about through the media. So … what can we do? How much can we realistically do for them? What is the best attitude for us to develop?

Certainly, it is not one of blaming people for being victims. Blame is too easy and a nasty habit. It may make our egos feel slightly superior, but that pleasure comes with a steep price, for such egocentricity only produces bad karma for ourselves. The far more skillful choice is to practice compassion. But what is compassion? And how do we practice it?

In Buddhism, love is divided into three forms: loving kindness, sympathetic joy and compassion. Loving kindness is the driving force behind friendship and all forms of positive relating. Sympathetic joy is probably the rarest one of the three; it consists of feeling joyful about the good fortune of someone else! (In some Thai villages, they have the interesting custom of ringing the village bell and chanting something like “Good for you” whenever some major good comes to a household … sure beats envy!) Compassion, finally, is about being empathetic and helpful to those who are suffering, and governs all forms of charity and charitable work.

Does practicing compassion mean that we try to help everybody who seems to be in need of help? Some people try, but that’s a tall order! Obviously, one person cannot take care of everybody, not even everybody around them. So, the question becomes: Where and how do we draw the line? For one thing, how much time or money do we have to give?

Several years ago I lived in India for a year, where the suffering of throngs of people is highly visible. Every day I was in the city I would be constantly confronted by begging lepers, babies with mangled limbs, etc. It was extreme culture shock to say the least, just to live near a large Indian city. It put me face to face with overwhelming suffering, but what was I to do?

There was no way I could afford to give money to every beggar I came across (or, more accurately, who accosted me) and still take care of myself. On the other hand, realizing the spiritual importance of compassion, I didn’t want to become hardened to the suffering of humanity. My solution was to set myself a ‘compassion budget.’

Back in 1981, I didn’t have much in savings when I was that long-term volunteer for the Indra Devi Foundation in southern India. Nevertheless, I decided that I would hand out 10 rupees/day. That was my monetary solution for that place and that time, it gave me a way to give some money as well as my time.

This is the season when many of us are accustomed to think about what we can give. The time between Christmas and New Years is a wonderful week to take a little time to reflect on your relationship to the world, and consider what your Compassion Budget is going to be for next year. After all, with rising unemployment, bankruptcies and foreclosures, there are a lot of people who have been victimized by a system that’s been set up to highly reward greed.

Of course, as with all love, compassion starts at home, beginning with and for yourself. What are you willing to do to be more creative and free yourself from your own victimness tendencies? Or, focusing on attitude, what could you be more grateful for?

In terms of money, perhaps it feels like there is not enough available right now for you to create charity as a budget item.  But if not 10% of what you bring in, perhaps you could make it 5% or even 1%. Or considering that time is more valuable than money, perhaps you can volunteer. There is always something you can do to empathize with and help others to exercise your heart’s compassion muscle. It feels good!

Most victim stories, however, are mostly just that — just stories … tales that serve as an excuse, or a subconscious strategy of pretending to be powerless … when really we had the power to create the problems through a series of bad decisions we made and possibly continue to make. These victimness temptations represent a personal development opportunity.

What are the payoffs for feeling like a victim? Well, for starters, you get to feel that you are right (about being wronged). Nobody wants to argue with a victim, because that would seem mean. Secondly, to the extent that you argue for being a victim, you gain a terrific excuse for not making progress towards the realization of your personal priorities. And, in addition, taking the victim stance entitles you to sympathy from others.

What should you do if you realize that you are stuck in your own victim story? First, look inside yourself to see if you can analyze exactly what your personal victim stories are. In particular, figure out how you are getting “payoffs” — hidden benefits like those mentioned above.

All too often, victim stories are a con game played by our ego in order to justify efforts to stay in control — of ourselves, of others, of a situation. Since the ego’s function is primarily to protect us, it makes total sense that it feels a need to be in control. The only problem is the ego He tends to go too far, sometimes even to the extent of inventing reasons for its empowerment over our decision-making.

This is the human predicament and challenge — to have a healthy ego that can defend us when necessary, but also to regulate it wisely from a higher, spiritual vantage point. In short, taking refuge in victims stories  is a weak person’s form of not managing themselves very well.

It is important that we learn how to manage our egos, so that we do not get stuck  in the trap of self-righteous victimhood, where we fool ourselves into believing that there is nothing we can do to improve our situation, while blame it on others or fate, etc.

Sometimes it is hard to resist the siren call of victimhood, because it feels good, a little bit good  anyway… and sometimes we need some reassurance that our predicaments are not all our fault, and that we are not alone. Sympathy is not a terrible drug, but getting sympathy from others provides very temporary relief. Isn’t it better to face up to stories that we tell ourselves, feel the pain of this psychic surgery, and come out the other side free from habitual self-limiting thoughts?

Spinner dolphins are an endangered species, although they may be coming back due to slightly more sane tuna fishing methods. They like to jump completely out of the water and do fast acrobatic spins before doing a belly or back flop into the water. One possible reason is that males spin to attract females. Spinning may also be play. Individuals have been spotted completing at least 14 spinning jumps in quick succession. Just to make an impression, I tried to spin … not so good.

One has to swim quite far to reach the dolphins way out in the choppy bay. I’m a decent swimmer, but the biggest challenge is tiptoeing over 100 yards of razor sharp volcanic rock — in order to jump into the surf from same sharp rocks without getting hurt — with flippers on! Coming back in, riding up a wave surge to slide onto one small ledge in those sharp rocks is a nice little trick too.

The process of getting in and out of the water in that volcanic bay had sounded dangerous to me for years — and it is — but the waves were not too high and it was not as difficult as I had feared. It is, however, daunting enough to keep the average tourist at bay. Is this why the dolphins choose this  bay as a place to hang out in the morning? Do they understand this? I like to think so, and that my going through with this treacherous little adventure constitutes an initiation into their wild dolphin society!

Oh, it is very exciting to be near them (”not allowed to touch marine mammals,” Dolphin Dan — who I met in the middle of the bay — tells me). But would that I could find some greater closeness with my dizzying new friends! Whenever I get really close  — within a foot on several occasions — the temptation to reach out is strong if a little scary. These graceful creatures are basically my size. Oh, it’s all fine and legal if they touch you — but I get neither kiss nor nuzzle (let alone a little sonar blast . My inner teenage girl wants to connect with my own leaping spinner … after all, Dolphin Dan reportedly has HIS own special dolphin friend!

Now that they let me swim with them, I am dreaming that there could be a special dolphin for me too … a beautiful one who will beckon me and tease me and come to me, like a mermaid. (I’ve got my eye on a cute one I saw both days!) They’re supposed to have a brain as big as ours … I wonder how smart they really are? I haven’t seen them hunt, but they seem to have a fun lifestyle. They are very social (and, according to Wikipedia, known to successfully mate with other species . A least they are smart enough to keep a little distance from our species (except for that darn Dan .

Everyone likes to think that their feelings are trustworthy, but is it really true? To what extent is it a good idea to trust our feelings? I suspect it is much less often than we’d like to think.

Of course, it all depends on what kind of feelings we are talking about. Certainly, we cannot trust decisions we make when we are feeling fearful or anxious — neither should we when we are infatuated and flush with wishful thinking. One non-obvious rule of thumb that I’ve learned for myself — the stronger the feeling, the less trustworthy it is!

There is one kind of feeling that we CAN trust when it comes to making decisions, however. Ironically, it is the one that is hardest to notice. It is often called that “gut feeling” — aka intuition. It’s much more subtle and quiet than fear or lust, for instance, and almost impossible to perceive when these stronger feelings are in play. (Which is why humans are so terrible at making good decisions!)

Many people experience intuition as a feeling, but there are other ways that it can show up. How does the experience of intuition happen for you?

I was hoping that this book would help me understand how I might better use my Facebook page, but it goes much, much deeper than that. This book provides a magnificent explanation of how central and important our connections to others have always been, going back to the tribal. In addition, the authors posit that our need to be so connected in part explains our need for such a big brain.

It’s fascinating to understand how our tastes, our habits and our decisions are influenced by people we’ve never met, but this book explains how that works — how if a friend of a friend starts drinking or stops smoking that can affect you. They’ve proven it with amazing analysis of extensive social network data. Such is the power of social networks. My favorite quote that the book cites is by Erik Hoffer, which goes “When people are given the freedom to do as they choose, they usually imitate each other.” Ain’t that the truth!

This book is going to help me be more mindful of this living “super-organism” — the social network — how it supports me and how I can use it to support myself and others altruistically.

Do you have any ideas on how a divination site like Tarot.com — where millions of people access divination systems every week — could provide more connections for people? What might that look like?

Instead (hugely helped by US loans to dictators that bankrupted the place), it is becoming more like India. Crumbline infrastructure, run-down neighborhoods (even this best one), high commercial vacancies, serious levels of street crime even in the best neighborhood (i.e. where I am staying in a ‘luxury condo’ for $110/night … the dollar is strong here … and having a little washing machine does make traveling light so much more pleasant . But nothing works very well. No good systems, including things like electronically posted gate information and times at the airport. ATM’s can run out of cash for days. And security is everywhere. You must even be buzzed in to a restaurant, because the doors (to everything including shops) are locked even when they are open for business (fear of looting, I’m told). Unemployment is high, the peso is down, and even though they are warm and lovely, the people seem to be economically dispirited. Not much gets done and things run down a little more every day.

Every American should come here and see where we could be headed if we don’t pull together under honest leadership and good governance, the foundations of civilization.

I will have been here for 2 weeks, and I have been enjoying life in Buenos Aires. I hired a lovely spanish tutor/tour guide named ‘Mercedes’ from day 1, and ‘yo estoy aprendiendo espanol muy rapido’. I love the latin people and have had a great time socially. My business here is primarily to support the Indra Devi Foundation, ‘Mataji’ Indra Devi having been my primary spiritual teacher (I lived with her in India for one year) in this lifetime (she died here in BA at 103). I’ve given four or five talks at her various yoga centers.

Mataji was known as “the first lady of yoga” and she loved the latin people (as do I). Even though she was 90 years old, she was big down here. Everybody knows her. My work here has been hugely gratifying, for me to contribute a little bit … and how reinforcing it has been for me to be intimately reminded of what I learned from Mataji — especially her linkage of love and non-attachment. (Her foundation here is at www.fundacion-indra-devi.org).

I just got back from a one day round trip flight to Iguazu Falls … considered more spectacular than Niagara. I’ve yet to see Niagara, but you might want to look at this place on the internet … it is a natural wonder of the world. Gotta run now …

Tell us anything you know about Argentina!