The Female Brain was not written for a middle-aged man like me … I’m sure it was written for women (as are most books these days) … and by a female researcher who is a scientist with feminist leanings. Nevertheless, I learned much from it.

Oh yes, I’ve known about the power of hormones before, but The Female Brain went into biological detail in a clear way that made it possible for me to better understand things in some depth. Yes, I had heard that the brain structures of men and women are significantly different, but I had not known much about the hormones and their effect on our brains until I read this book, which says a lot about the male brain, too.

As a man who has been consciously trying to develop his own intuition for many years (with some help from classical divination systems), and as a passionate lifelong learner, I found the scientific arguments for how much greater an intuitive aptitude my women friends have to be fascinating. I came to understand how biology plays a part, on top of women’s superior ability to intuit things, which is supported throughout their natural development by a comparative abundance of estrogen and oxytocin. As Dr. Brizendine puts it,

“The female brain has tremendous unique aptitudes — outstanding verbal agility, the ability to connect deeply in friendship, a nearly psychic capacity to read faces and tone of voice for emotions and states of mind, and the ability to defuse conflict. All of this is hardwired into the brains of women.”

More psychic? When I think about it, that does ring true!

In another section of the book, highlighting a major difference between women and men, she points out:

“Between the ages of eight and fourteen, a girl’s estrogen level increases ten to twenty times, but her testosterone level rises only about five times. A boy’s testosterone level increases twenty-five-fold between ages nine and fifteen. With all that extra sexual rocket fuel, teen boys typically have three times more sex drive than girls of the same age — a difference that will persist through life. And while boys have a constantly rising level of testosterone through puberty, girls’ sexual hormones ebb and flow each week — changing their sexual interest almost daily. If a female’s testosterone drops below a certain level, she’ll lose sexual interest altogether.”

My next read will be: The Male Brain by the same author.

Pray tell: Do you think it’s worthwhile for people to explore (and talk about) the differences between males and females of our species? Or must we play it safe, be politically correct and simply deny that such differences could possibly mean much? Or, do you think it’s basically impossible for men and women to understand each other or much improve, through that understanding, how we get along in relationship? Comments?

Leigh became the senior student of Buddhist nun, Ayya Khema, in 1997, and her first American student to give meditation retreats. He is the author of a Tibetan Database and Word Processing program that was used as an electronic dictionary by the people doing the editing for a major Tibetan text preservation project.

Leigh grew up in Mississippi, and now lives at the Forest Refuge, part of the Insight Meditation Society’s center in Barre, MA. In addition to teaching meditation, he also works as a software engineer. His hobbies are Swimming, Foreign Travel, Hiking, Asian Religions, Asian Art, Storytelling.

Every 28 days or so, your brain is bobbing in a sea of fluctuating hormones. (Although I haven’t read her book The Male Brain yet, I know that men must be much more boring.) For one thing, I can see how a better understanding of your own and your friends’ cycles could improve  social networking! And, for males flooded with massive amounts of testosterone most of the time, it would be useful to have some clue as to when is a better time to approach your sweetie … and when is not!

And, of course, women have to deal with monumentally transforming events that involve massive amounts of hormone changes — things like pregnancy, childbirth, menopause. We males have changes of our own in life, but nothing even remotely like this!

This book should be required reading for everyone (I’d recommend gifting it to your mate). I can tell you, as a man, it has increased my empathy for women (and improved my timing!). Oh, yes … sometimes there’s tension, but never a dull moment … viva la difference!



Now, of course, these “stages” are not precisely timed. Many people (especially these days) continue the “earning” stage well beyond 58, or even 65 for that matter. And many of us were sharing, supporting and teaching during Stage 1 or Stage 2, even while we were pursuing an education or ways to pay the bills.

My Stage 3 began when I sold the business I had started. I became a grandfather around the same time, which so nicely initiated me into the joys of being generous, by helping it feel so natural. What a heart-opener that little tyke has been for me … may the generous impulses he stimulates in me, and the joy that I get from indulging them, continue to expand (for me, via non-profit work and teaching).

True generosity is a joyous thing that can take many forms. As the author of Plenitude — The New Economics of True Wealth points out, we all have more than we know — if not monetarily, in our knowledge, skills, creativity, connections, time, attention and enjoyment of nature. How much do we take these forms of “true wealth” for granted, rather than sharing this abundance with others? “How can I help?” Ram Dass famously asked, as the title of a book he wrote after entering Stage 3.

Even if you are still busy being a student of life (Stage 1) or a producer (Stage 2), know that you have a joyous “third act” to look forward to — where sharing and supporting no longer feel like a responsibility or another thing you “should” do, but a pure natural pleasure!

The first Saturn cycle stage of life is about learning as much as you can, especially about yourself. The second stage is about being productive, which requires some commitment (although this does not have to be a commitment to something new … it could be renewed commitment to something you are already doing).

During this stage, you do those things you discovered you care about and want to do — whether it be raising a family, developing a career, starting a business, non-profit work … whatever. You know who you are … the sun of self-acceptance is shining, you do the best you can to produce a meaningful life for yourself … and you make hay while that sun shines!

Alice Bailey, a mystical writer in the 1930’s, wrote something that helped me not be overly anxious when I was beginning Stage 2. Somewhere in one of her many books, she wrote that the average human is not clear about her or his mission in this lifetime until about age 35. I was 30 when I read that and I breathed a huge sigh of relief! (It was not until I was 38 that I discovered my mission, which was to invent and develop divination software.)

Next: Stage 3. This is the one that I’m just starting — the ‘Give-Back’ Stage.

Glenda, some people are more focused than others by temperament. For instance, I am  disposed toward a love of variety (it’s not ADHD, I swear . When I first became an entrepreneur, my business suffered by developing three unrelated kinds of software, and eventually went belly up — partially as a result of a lack of focus, marketing synergy and efficiency. The design and development process satisfied my creative desire to do new things, but my scatteredness made the company non-sustainable, relative to the higher priorities of making payroll and paying the rent.

The answer to your dilemma lies in identifying your current hierarchy of values and being totally clear what your higher priority is, in order to make a balanced decision. Even though I was more excited about my work than you seem to be right now, I still kept up various creative passions on the side. I took classes. I wrote. I did some speaking. I volunteered as a meditation teacher. And I’ve been host of a community radio interview show for 26 years (listen to podcasts). I didn’t  have as much time as I would have liked to devote to these extra-curricular activities while I was trying to make ends meet, but I never let go of them … and now that I sold my last business, I do them full-time!

My last company was a success partly because I put a 2-man Advisory Board in place and didn’t make any strategic decisions for ten years without convincing at least one of them. These guys were not yes-men — they were more like mentors … and focus was their middle name (I gave them stock to help with that  . And if they hadn’t talked me out of all kinds of ‘creative’ ideas that I passionately argued for, my second company probably would have not done so well either.

It doesn’t matter so much what your “day-job” is — as long as it’s not harmful …  it’s ok for you to stick with, or go with, the one that simply pays the best. Money isn’t everything, but as one who has worked without pay a lot, I know how important financial sustainability is (especially so during times of high unemployment). Switching jobs is expensive … switching careers is very expensive. But if you are under 40 — or have a lot of savings, and you are strongly attracted to a specific different career that can support you, it might be worth a switch.

Being able to make a living doing something you love is very cool, but it is a rare luxury. By the way, this is a good type of question to divinate on! Ask the I Ching or Tarot “What is the best approach to take vis-a-vis my career? or work-choices?”

Saturn has an elliptical orbit that takes from 28-30 years, so a person’s first “Saturn Return” comes to roost just before age 30, the second one culminates about age 59, and the third one around age 88. As Wikipedia (currently) puts it “It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn returns to the degree it occupied at the time of birth … a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life.” I discuss these ‘Saturn cycle stages’ in my speech, starting with the first one (the one most relevant to students).

Stage 1 — the first 29 years of life — is your primary “learning phase” — when you learn who you are, what you are good at, what you like to do. How should you go about all this? By experimenting, by taking chances (while you are young and daring … by trying things out!

It’s absurd, in my opinion, that we expect 18 or 19 year-olds to select and stick with “a major” or to focus on any kind of career at that age. Way premature! My general, if radical, advice to kids in their 20s is to NOT make major commitments — to career paths, organizations, or relationships (except under exceptional circumstances, of course). Plan on making the big commitments around age 30.

Instead, my advice to those in the student stage of life to take all different kinds of classes, read a lot of books, trek the world (there are low-budget ways to do this, or to work one’s way around) and, in general, job-hop to see what different types of work you might like. If you don’t try lots of different things, how are you going to discover parts of yourself that you couldn’t know before, possibly parts that your parents don’t approve of? The 20s are a time to individuate, not conform!

Next blog: Stage 2, your second Saturn cycle — time to do what you have discovered you love — and to do it with gusto!

Seth Tobocman is the author of Understanding the Crash, a progressive account in comics format of how bad mortgages turned into a global financial meltdown — and a compelling manifesto for change. Seth is a radical comic book artist best known for the political anthology World War 3 Illustrated, which he started in 1979 with fellow artist Peter Kuper. He lives in New York City, where he teaches cartooning and illustration at the School of Visual Arts.

Recently, I got into a car accident. Though I’m grateful nobody was hurt, I now feel like I’m being punished. I don’t understand why this had to happen?

- Lisa, Mather CA

There are as many ways to look at God as there are people talking about it. Most Christian sects speak of God as some kind of personal agent of creation, but there are countless millions who see God as an impersonal creative life-giving force — not as a personality that is paying special attention to human activity, but as a resource that is always there for us (and not judging us at all). On the fundamentalist end of the spectrum, people believe in some kind of super-parent — an omniscient and omnipotent ruler — who is super aware of ALL our thoughts and behaviors, and is actively rewarding or punishing us. And there are many gradations between these two views.

A problem with fundamentalist belief systems is that they infantilize people. In fact, it starts very young with shaming,  guilt and fear — including fear of the divine itself (as in “God-fearing”) — all of which stunts spiritual growth. Convince children there is something wrong with them, teach them about eternal torture unless they tow the line, convince them that you are the voice of God … and for the rest of their lives you can get them to do all kinds of things. Popes and ministers know this.

Fear has been used to control populations for centuries. Moving past fear takes faith — real faith — in yourself, in your own divine capabilities like intuition, and in your belief that you can solve problems with Creative Power operating through you. In your case, you have already shown that you CAN do that — which in fact may be why the charity chose your family in the first place — congratulations!

Bad stuff happens to good people … and good stuff, too. Focus only on what you can change (starting with your beliefs and attitudes). Open up to new possibilities and more good things will be allowed in. As to why good or bad things just seem to happen … well, while it’s fascinating to think about, figuring it all out is not our job — or even within our human capacity. Our best move is to channel Creative Power in order to make better choices — not to worry about what a hyper-critical God supposedly thinks of us. “Judge not.”

You’ve come a long ways … don’t give your power away — it is your divine heritage. Stay creative, adaptable and ever resourceful!

“It can be very helpful for stimulating you to think outside the box [...] If you get one new idea out of it- that helps you realize there’s always more than 2 solutions to any problem- it’s done its job. [...] When people really understand divination, they’ll be able to use it more effectively to make better decisions.”

“Making decisions, making good choices, is the most significant factor related to anybody’s success or happiness in life- and it’s what separates our ability from the ability of the rest of the animal kingdom.”

- Aumer, Johannesburg, South Africa

Aumer, hatred is a strong word, but to tell anyone that she is  ‘a mistake’ is to imply that she has no right to exist. Whatever her reasons, this is wrong and terrible parenting!

We don’t know why she is doing this, or what her perceptions are. Maybe insulting you is her way of pushing you out of the the nest??? Whatever she is doing, her choice of words indicates that she has a problem accepting life as it is — including you and herself too.

It’s not your job to take care of your mother, and the way she takes her problems out on you indicates that she needs psychological help. This is not your problem … or, rather, it is only your problem for as long as you are dependent upon her (including inside your head).

Really, about the only thing you can do is emancipate yourself. Even after leaving ‘home’, it’s hard to get free from the negative messages we have received from parents, but with some serious grieving work it can be done (whether you want to think of yourself as ‘an orphan’ or not is optional). Don’t try to help your mother — there’s nothing much you can do other than gently encourage her to get help. Take this as a signal that it’s time to take care of yourself.

If by “mainstream” you mean the way most people think and behave, the answer would be yes — because to the extent that you have a spiritual point of view you ARE on the outside looking in! As we go beyond the normal egocentric viewpoint, we are going to see things from a broader perspective, and become more objective. This will make you different than most people — most of whom do not put a priority on expanding consciousness.

But this does not mean that you need to be — or should be — all alone, which is why all spiritual paths include the idea of community. In Buddhism, for instance, having the support of one’s spiritual community (“sangha”) is emphasized as one of three “jewels” or “refuges” — a most important spiritual supports — which also include the inspiring power of  spiritual ideals (“buddha”) and your learning of the way things work on the best path for you (“dharma”).

According to legend, the Buddha’s assistant, Ananda, once surmised “Sir, sometimes I think having spiritual friends is half of the spiritual life,” and the Buddha reportedly replied, “No, Ananda … having spiritual friends is the WHOLE of the spiritual life.”

In any case, don’t worry if you feel different than most people, or less interested in the values generally promoted by social networking and the media. If you are becoming more aware (i.e. “spiritual”), you will naturally notice — as you ARE noticing — that your priorities are becoming more about the ‘inner game.’ Good for you!

I wrote him back tonight seeking for a clear answer whether he truly accepts me as his friend. I haven’t received any response yet. I care a lot for his well-being and wonder if he feels the same too.

-– Tan, Selangor, Malaysia

Dear Tan, what is a ‘friend’? Perhaps your mind is overwhelmed by the memories of the ‘tenderness’ you felt in his presence. His attention stimulated your feelings and you would like to think that means he cares, but maybe not. Charm is one thing; emotional connection is much more of an effort. (Is there any possibility that he never received your messages?)

Who knows? If he did get your emails, he could be a narcissist, who turns on the charm when he feels like it, but lacks real feelings. There are plenty like that in the world, who believe they are the center of the universe and everyone else is an object for their use (when they are in the mood).

Communication is the lifeblood of friendship, and actions (or non-action, in this case) speak much louder than words. You have evidently given him plenty of invitations to communicate. His refusal to respond when you reach out to him, demonstrates lack of interest. We don’t know his reasons, but it sure seems that he is not available to be your friend.

You have done enough to invite him. Unless you need to learn from more suffering, do not pursue him further — out of love for yourself, which is where all adult loving begins. Good friends come to those who have self-respect.

I signed up for this tour ($30 including transport) because I felt it was my human responsibility to witness and comprehend as best I could the reality of the monstrous inhumanity to man that can happen — that did happen in this place, especially since I was so nearby in Krakow. I won’t go into too many details (just a few) … Wikipedia does a great job on this.

A few things I learned that I didn’t know before: the Auschwitz complex was the largest of all the Nazi concentration camps. It was run by a special unit of the Nazi SS, which was accountable to no one other than Himmler, and thus able to descend all the way into the pits of hell without push-back or restraint.

The camp was originally Polish army barracks, which the Nazi’s converted for use as prison for their new Polish political prisoners as well as Russian prisoners of war. The first prisoners were the Poles themselves (including a few Jews) and almost 150,000 Polish perished there — and fairly quickly from a combination of starvation, overwork, freezing weather and sadistic treatment.

The camp was expanded ten-fold to add the huge Birkenau “extermination camp” (1 square mile) where, at one point, over 500,000 (mostly Hungarian) Jews — whole families who were to be “resettled” by the Nazis — were stuffed into cattle cars, along with a couple suitcases of of their most precious belongings, for a week long freezing ride to Birkenau. When they finally arrived, starving and exhausted, they were not checked in or even registered.

First, all able-bodied adults were “selected” out of the group (about 25%). All children under 14 and their clinging mothers, old people and anyone slightly unfit for work (i.e. slave labor) were told to go into a huge underground waiting room near the train’s unloading platform. Here, in a ruse to prevent panic, they were told to write their names on their suitcases for retrieval after “processing.”

Processing began quickly with the forced removal of all clothing for a “cleansing shower.” People were then herded into gigantic sealed bunkers, which were gas chambers. Two holes in the ceiling were used for dropping the poison gas. An agonizing death could take up to 20 minutes. Then the bodies were removed by prisoners whose job it was to dump them as fast as they could onto funnels going into giant furnaces in the bunker room next door, using giant pistons on rails to shove them in — after removing gold teeth and jewelry, which were melted down and sent to Germany, along with all the valuables from those suitcases. Whole families disappeared … and history’s most efficient extermination machine (up to 5000 per day) was also profitable!

The value of such a tour is the realization that such a level of monstrosity, of man’s inhumanity to man, is possible … and that it could happen again. The author Sinclair Lewis once remarked “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag carrying a cross.” We can see seeds of this here now. It’s not fun to think about, but after my tour it is a little bit easier for me to imagine right-wing Armageddon freaks and other militia being whipped up by a charismatic politician who gains power to get out their God-given guns and fight one last “holy war” for Jesus, as if he would be the type to dehumanize and smite “infidels.”

Krakow’s main feature is its large central square, which is still surrounded by elegantly preserved 15th century townhouses and shops, including some large ones that have been converted to hotels — like the “Bonerowski Palace” (palace of “the Boners”) where I am fortunate to be staying … and feel so at home (perhaps I was a Boner in a previous lifetime .

In addition to my interest in history, one of the best parts of traveling for me is the social experience. Gemini extrovert that I am, I learn from variety and make it a point to meet many different people — and different kinds of people — wherever I go. The Polish people — decimated first by the Nazis (who wanted to eliminate the Poles in order to take their land), then by Stalin — are nothing if not resilient. They are also sweet-tempered and good looking (like half of me .The younger generation is highly educated and smart, non-pretentious and actually optimistic — quite a development given the country’s tragic history. I compare their attitude, which is relatively practical and conscientious, with that of American youth who are so caught up in non-stop entertainments that they hardly read or write.

And the city of Krakow itself … ah, lovely Krakow. Rick Steves, the American travel writer who specializes in Europe, is so right about this place … the well-preserved combination of ancient cathedrals, castles and cobble-stone streets is beyond charming … it is positively magical! And this 15th century Bonerowski Palace hotel, where I stay on the main square, is so elegant it hosts a Chopin (Polish cultural hero) concert almost every night. Charming and richly cultural … viva Poland!

Next installment … death camp blues.

Currently I’m not making enough income to sustain myself and family through coaching and have been offered a sales position that is unrelated, but which I know I will be good at, and which will produce the income necessary to sustain our lives. My “dilemma” is that I would prefer to be a coach yet do not have the income to sustain that and have a fear that I’d be giving up on my dream by taking this position. I will do the right thing for the sake of my family yet cannot get over the sense that my dream will be on hold.

– Jacob, Tiburon CA

Jacob, your vision has a lot to do with what it looks like to be a “business coach” in your mind’s eye. Instead, try focusing on the essence of what you love about coaching, not the image of yourself doing it. I suspect the essence of your desire has to do with helping others. If so, remember that you can be a helpful “coach” in any situation or job – especially sales, where presumably you are providing a good solution for the right people who may need help to understand its value for them.

If you take this attitude, you will not lose out on anything. Your needs are always being met, even if the universe insists on a form that better supports your family right now. Focus on the essence of what you want, not the form. Don’t try to control your destiny. Remember the old expression: “You pedal, It steers.” In this case you can have it all. So, get pedaling and make some money … and congratulations on finding a job!

Sam, the ability to read others is a sublime and powerful skill. It is innate in humans and other mammals. Babies begin interpreting facial expressions and sounds almost from birth — but, yes, this skill can also be further developed and cultivated.

Whole books are written on how to read people’s body language. The piece I would suggest that you focus on is to develop empathy — the power of being able to understand and consider another’s feelings even when they seem foreign to you. (This is different than sympathy, which is simply to resonate with another’s feelings or feel sorry for someone.) How to develop empathy? Well, there is one simple way – use your intuition to guess what people are thinking or feeling … and then ask them!

I have found that most people will answer just about any question, including what is going on for them internally, if they are asked in the right way (sometimes indirectly), and always in a non-threatening tone. People love to talk about themselves (if you let them), especially if they sense you are open and you ask in an open way. So, practie the art of social interviewing … it’s highly educational! Learn to tune in and listen, and you will be practicing good social skills at the same time you are developing a stronger intuitive sense for reading people.

First, the author shows how “business as usual” (which she refers to as “BAU”) is coming to an end, whether we like it or not. There is just no way that five percent of the world’s population will be allowed to consume 25 percent of the remaining oil, for instance — no matter how oversized its military may be.

Because of America’s careless indebtedness for consumption (and war), the developing world (where almost all of the oil is) is gaining relative power. Plus, two billion Chinese and Indians want to be over-consumers like us. Even if we reduce our own consumption (fat chance), the overall consumption is bound to grow with BUA. This is a huge problem because the planet cannot sustain higher levels of over-consumption, not to mention possibly violent competition for energy resources!

What can we do? What can YOU do? Schor’s book provides some new and surprising answers. In addition to letting go of BUA thinking — i.e. in which only things that are measured in dollars are considered valuable – the author encourages us to recognize our “true wealth” — things like the value of time, knowledge, community, creativity and nature. She is advocating for a radical change of orientation that includes less full-time “work” and more of a balanced life, based on real enrichment not consumption.

Great stuff!

- Judi from Manhattan

Judi: I have much empathy for your jarringly painful situation, and some insights (you’re in such a difficult transition, I hope you can receive them). Most economists agree that we are in for a relatively long period of high unemployment. This could mean a big adjustment to someone who loses a job before you are financially ready for retirement, during a time when your entire industry segment may be shrinking. In any case, no matter what the situation, it only ever makes sense to focus on the things you can change. The larger economy is not one of those.

The only operative question is what you can change. Well, this is certainly an opportunity to change your identification with the past, with what you’ve done, or even the reasons you were doing it. You are not your job … and you are most emphatically not the jobs you’ve had in the past. Your dreams and desires can also be under your control and, although it may not be easy to let go of habitual patterns, they are subject to change too. It may be time to let go of what you thought you wanted, possibly including location and lifestyle.

Those of us who live in the first world are going to have to start consuming less, because our planet cannot support our deficit consumption. In her new book, “Plenitude — the New Economics of True Wealth” (a great book), professor Juliet Schor points out that “business as usual” is coming to an end, and how we need to better leverage our “true wealth” which lies in the value of our time, relationships, knowledge, creativity, community and nature. Look at what your beliefs and values have been up to now, and be willing to change them. Look at what you have identified with, and change that too. If you can let go of the past and find new sources of strengths within you, trust that you will find an opening for something new and surprising!

–Konfused in Kihei

Konfused, it sounds like you are confused about who you are supposed to be, confusing personality with identity (aka soul). I would take a look at what your “core beliefs” might be – operating assumptions about people that were formed when you were very young, which may have subconsciously stuck to this day, making you feel and act in certain ways.

We get so attached to having a consistent personality, but the personality is just an act (the “persona” was a mask that actors wore in ancient Greece). The really good actors know how to adapt and play different roles, depending upon the scene and other actors on stage. If you are having conflicts with dates, you are probably clinging to the act that you know best. Perhaps this is the one that makes you feel safe … or in control. Whatever the case, a stronger man to contend with is not going to solve the problem of contending, make you feel better, or make it easier to be fully yourself. That’s an inside job, which has more to do with releasing core beliefs and the shame that often comes from them.

Meanwhile, in your social interactions, be more open. Express yourself in different ways. Improvise a little bit. Try some different roles. Take some risks. Embarrass yourself once in a while (you can’t embarrass your true self . You’ll be surprised at the results. You will learn so much more about what other people like, feel more free, have more fun, and definitely prove that you are not your personality!