Marital reconciliation woes

My husband and I have been separated for 4 years. We have seen each other on and off. I have always been the one to walk away from the relationship each time. Recently I have experienced a huge karmic kick in the butt. I have been trying to make amends with him and have apologized profusely. He has basically rejected my suggestions to try again and work on our marriage. I know we love each other still and I do feel him around me. Where do I go from here? – Monika, Concord, MA

How many times do you think you can you reject someone and expect him to come back for more? It may be too late. He’s given you more than enough chances, he may feel that he can’t trust anything you say. Or perhaps his ego needs to exact a price (beyond apologies) for all the rejection. Are you willing to go beyond apologizing and make amends … to deal with that karma you mention? Is there anything you can generously offer him to try to make up for what he feels he’s gone through? If you’ve hurt someone, saying ‘sorry’ is too easy and never enough. Try adding “… and what can I do to make it up to you?” and hope the other party will give you something (within reason) to do. This is a way to make amends, if that’s really what you want to do. It is too late if he is no longer interested in giving you one more chance to demonstrate that you really care — to make and keep an agreement to do something to make up for your repeated rejections. No matter what does or doesn’t happen, this doesn’t have to be all bad. Perhaps leaving the relationship was the right move in the first place and all the jerking around was you second-guessing yourself. That doesn’t make it right, but for that you can forgive yourself and move on.

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