Am I a Mistake?

I am 21yrs old and my mother always tells me that I was a mistake. Does she hate me because she has not made peace with it?

– Aumer, Johannesburg, South Africa

Aumer, hatred is a strong word, but to tell anyone that she is ‘a mistake’ is to imply that she has no right to exist. Whatever her reasons, this is wrong and terrible parenting!

We don’t know why she is doing this, or what her perceptions are. Maybe insulting you is her way of pushing you out of the the nest??? Whatever she is doing, her choice of words indicates that she has a problem accepting life as it is — including you and herself too.

It’s not your job to take care of your mother, and the way she takes her problems out on you indicates that she needs psychological help. This is not your problem … or, rather, it is only your problem for as long as you are dependent upon her (including inside your head).

Really, about the only thing you can do is emancipate yourself. Even after leaving ‘home’, it’s hard to get free from the negative messages we have received from parents, but with some serious grieving work it can be done (whether you want to think of yourself as ‘an orphan’ or not is optional). Don’t try to help your mother — there’s nothing much you can do other than gently encourage her to get help. Take this as a signal that it’s time to take care of yourself.

3 thoughts on “Am I a Mistake?

  1. Truly wise words, Paul. Aumer, there is a world out that that will love you! So many of us have had negative parents. Just tonight I was listening to a young neighbor who was telling me of his mother’s cruel treatment when he was a young boy. She passed of cancer ten years ago, he’s in his thirties, and he is still trying to figure out why she did the things she did. Spread your wings and go find your true friends!

  2. Dear Aumer,
    It is no mistake that you exist, and it is because of your existance that you must know that you are the part of some special and cosmic plan. In this infinite posibility that is the universe you are important and necessary as a player in life.
    (havent written Zulu for a long time sorry if it is not right, i meant be well)

  3. I’ve never bought into the davonitiin description of Tarot cards. Instead I’ve always thought Tarot cards were better suited as tools to lend insight into current situations. The Osho Zen deck is perfect for this task.I have been searching for the *perfect* Tarot deck for myself for years. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the traditional Rider-Waite symbolism, and always thought many decks (Rider-Waite or not) were unattractive. I’ve never been compelled to pull any of my decks out and consult them more than once in a blue moon. There are a few decks I’ve found along the way I like- the Connolly deck was an early favorite, with its bright and luminous illustrations and positive descriptions, and an I-Ching deck I was given for Christmas. But no deck I have ever seen or touched has been as beautiful as the Osho Zen.First and foremost, the illustrations blew me away. I just can’t describe how beautiful they are. I went through the entire deck and and spent an hour ooohhh ing and ahhh ing over the cards. I have never seen anything quite like these cards. Their representations as well as the feel of the cards really makes me want to take the deck out and shuffle through them and read about every card. I have never felt that way about a deck before. It’s so inspiring. Although many people claim its a deck strictly for dealing with the here and now , I disagree. In the past few days I have done several readings with the deck for insight on my own situation and have found the deck to be very helpful. The cards are *not* vague, but not entirely specific, so it allows the user to apply the meanings to their own lives.The cost of these cards is slightly higher than most other decks, and the caption describing the deck as a game may prevent certain people from buying this deck- it did for me. But what a mistake that was. If you are drawn to the illustrations on the box/cover, purchase this deck. There is something very special about it. It puts other decks to shame. Thanks, Mom, for getting this for me for my birthday!

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