Was in San Francisco a couple weeks ago to see my mother and attend a talk by Dr. John Demartini (which I took her to … she loved him) … and was fortunate to spend some time with John and also tape an interview of him about love for my Pathways interview show (in fact, this interview is now available via podcast on divination.com). We got into his system “hierarchy of values” system, which fascinates me.
First of all, he defines values in a very measurable way — he points to the things we spend the most time, energy or money attending to or doing. Not necessarily what we believe, espouse or pledge allegiance to. That’s interesting … analyzing what I think about and do the most … actually do … a good exercise.
Next John points out that whatever our top values are, they are organized in our personal hierarchy, and this order of priorities shifts throughout our life. So, it’s not so smart to shoot for matching my hierarchy with someone else’s as a basis of compatibility — both hierarchies are going to change differently for both parties! He’s got this “cross-linking values” approach that is the real trick of balanced relating.
On commitment: John also points out in the interview that we are never really “committed” to another person, even if that is what we tell ourselves. Rather, we are committed to our values, what we spend all that time thinking about or doing. If a partner is supporting us in the fulfillment of what we value, we stay with them. Otherwise, not so much. Simple! (Now where was that list of my values I was making?)
John also says that we seek support, but are attracted to challenge … more on that later!
