by ‘Paulo’ OBrien
We are getting older. Many of us may live long enough to even experience being ‘old.’ Even during times of extreme uncertainty (like now), aging is one thing we can count on. Along with stress, sickness and death, there is no escaping the reality of aging as a cause of suffering. We only have so much time left. To the extent you identify with your body or separate self (ego), the process of getting old may seem tragic, but it doesn’t have to feel that way all the time.
Aging is generally viewed through a lens of decline and loss, but there are psychological and personal gains that come with elderhood—new and profound opportunities for the kinds of satisfaction that can help us (finally) be happy. With aging comes wisdom seasoned by experience, which is why elders have traditionally been so highly respected. We gain a deeper understanding of life by learning from challenges we face, survive and overcome. Earned wisdom helps elders make better decisions, provide valuable advice to younger generations, and approach problems from a more balanced perspective. Earned wisdom supports a richer, more nuanced understanding of the world, supporting greater empathy and compassion.
In addition, retiring from a career or raising children brings a newfound sense of freedom and independence. Without a rigid schedule, elders have time to pursue hobbies, interests, and passions—more time to do whatever they want. This can support exploration and self-discovery, allowing us to engage in activities we rarely had time for. The freedom to travel, volunteer, or learn new skills can produce a vibrant and active lifestyle. The internal freedom from work stress can give rise to a freer spirit—operating with enthusiasm, confidence and greater patience.
Freedom of spirit is a significant overlooked advantage of growing older. Older folks have had more experiences, and will have more if they remain open minded. Considering a conservative bias to hold on to what we have, a higher percentage of emotional experiences as we age will involve turnover or loss of some kind. People die, and more people die the older we get. Businesses fail, marriages and significant relationships dissolve, pets die, life goes through radical ups and downs. The Law of Impermanence means that change is constant. To make things even more confusing, the rate of change is accelerating.
More experience gives elders greater perspective and a better ability to fill in the dots and see larger patterns. This visionary skill is a basis for what we call intuition and makes for better planning and greater creativity. Intuitive intelligence (the title of my book) makes wise elders useful when it comes to advising on long-term decisions. But strategic decisions are not always about achieving something. Like the poker player who knows when to fold ‘em, some of the most challenging intuitive decisions are knowing when and how and when to fold ‘em.
Most of us are addicted to pursuing goals. We laud the pursuit of happiness, achievement and success. Some of us are addicted to the pursuit of meaning. Whatever it is we are addicted to pursuing, it’s hard to let go of such lifetime wiring! Mastering the art of letting go of compulsive patterns or attachments is central, however, to the cultivation of wisdom and contentment—which together make an excellent definition of happiness. In this way, we accept rather than resist change, let go of addictive habits that offer us a lazy way out, cultivate gratitude and a calm confidence that just flows when we let go of constant craving. Letting go is the ticket to peace and happiness. The older we get, the more practice life offers us before our final breath. We are not going to live forever, so let’s stop fiercely holding on and master the art of letting go—while we still have the chance.
